Day 204
A word of warning that I should have posted at the very beginning of this month:
December is hard for me.
I start mourning my father anew when December comes.
I worry about how we are going to pay the bills when December comes.
I worry how I can possibly put a Christmas together for my children when December comes.
I feel the weight of the world when December comes.
I look forward to when December leaves.
December is hard for me.
And with the difficulties December brings, I am over-sensitive, apt to moodiness and tears are always lurking. Today at church, was no exception. Our pastor has been discussing peace this holiday season and what holds us back from peace, what can give us peace and who we are letting destroy our peace. Nice guilt inducing lectures if you are the one who has no peace in December. I had to swallow some pride today and ASK (in tears) for free tickets to our Christmas production – yes, my church is actually charging people to attend the Christmas program – because I am having a hard time finding 2 nickles to rub together after paying the bills. I also took umbrage at my pastor’s lecture designed to shame and belittle the person who used a PRAISE REPORT CARD and questioned the price tag on Christmas program and further, had the pure GALL not to sign his/her name – then he went on to talk about forgiveness. This little lecture occurred at three packed services and I know that someone was probably shamed for not daring to sign a name because of this very thing happening.
Ho. Ho. Ho. January’s coming!