Day 229 – Pulling the Plank


Pulling the Plank

Day 229

The Judgement by Robert William Service

The Judge looked down, his face was grim,
He scratched his ear;
The gangster’s moll looked up at him
With eyes of fear.
She thought: ‘This guy in velvet gown,
With balding pate,
Who now on me is looking down,
Can seal my fate.’

The Judge thought: ‘Fifteen years or ten
I might decree.
Just let me say the word and then
Go home to tea.
But then this poor wretch might not be
So long alive . . .’
So with surprise he heard that he
Was saying ‘Five’.

The Judge went home. His daughter’s child
Was five that day;
And with sweet gifts around her piled
She laughed in play.
Then mused the Judge: ‘Life oft bestows
Such evil odds.
May he who human mercy shows
Not count on God’s?’

My friend, Tammy, posted the following status tonight:
You know what drives me crazy? People who claim to be devout Christians, go to church, etc,and yet they talk about people behind their backs, hold grudges, etc. Hypocrites!

Now, I am not perfect and neither are you.  Which leads me into a different tangent on the Judgement scale:  Self-judgement and how I judge others based on how I judge myself.  It can be a pretty prideful pickle for me.

Among the questions about pride, these are my questions about my pride:
♦ Are my ideas better than others’ ideas?
♦ Do I have feelings of unworthiness?
♦ Am I a people pleaser rather than a God pleaser?
♦ Are MY needs more important than the needs of those around me and is MY time so important that I can’t do even simple things for others?

Among the prejudices that are common to people, these are the prejudices I have concerning me and others:
♦ Intellect – Am I smarter than you and therefore better or vice versa?
♦ Personality – Am I more outgoing than you and better or too loud and worse; am I quieter than you – more introverted and who is better than the other?
♦ Hygiene – Am I willing to smile at or hug someone in need because they don’t meet my personal standards?
♦ Body image – Am I inferior to you because my body and my face do not meet society’s standards?

Among the rejections that are common to people, these are the rejections that have influenced how I feel about myself and how I live:
♦ You are not that pretty.
♦ You look like a boy.
♦ You are not good enough to be friends with us.
♦ You are weird.
♦ Bookworm.
♦ You are a follower. You will never lead.
♦ Your faith is stupid and I do not want you in my life. You sicken me.

These rejections have led me to build walls around myself so that I won’t get hurt. I try to fix it by myself and still don’t feel any better.

I have soul ties. A soul tie was defined as an attachment of mind or emotions that affects your will. There are good (Godly) soul ties and there are bad (ungodly) soul ties. The bad ties can be defined as an unhealthy fascination with someone or something and plagues your mind.
My good soul ties: God, my husband, my children, family and friends.
My bad soul ties: Obsessing over what people think of me and what I am doing, obsessing over bad past relationships with people, obsessing over things I have done in the past, my body image.

Pride, rejection and those soul ties all come together as one and affect how I treat my family, my friends, acquaintances and people I pass by on the street. Those rejections, I find, are being passed to my children through me as I reject them for some of the same things I was rejected for.

It is continual work to let them go. But I can because I am good enough. If I do not measure up to another person’s standard, that is his or her problem. It is not my problem. I forgave every single one of those rejections. A wise young man I know puts it like this:  Forgiveness is not denial, not pretending it is okay, repressing how it makes me feel, forgetting. It is letting the offender off the hook – MY hook. It is putting the offender on God’s hook. When we refuse to forgive, we have given part of ourselves to another person and given him or her power. In this, you end up carrying THEIR sins and THEIR burdens. Revenge is not our job; it is our job to love.

And this post has been brought to you by Tammy “Howling Mad” Campbell and Kathryn “Magpie Extraordinaire” Sparks with a very appropriate photo of the LaGrange County courthouse.

 

 

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14 thoughts on “Day 229 – Pulling the Plank

    • I thank you, my Karen. It is very hard to forgive yourself sometimes for not being everything you think you are supposed to be. I am just me and I am okay with that now – it still doesn’t stop me from looking at someone else’s green grass and wishing it was mine though.

    • It is surprising how long those hurtful words hang around too. Mine hung around for decades before I let them go. It was well worth it, though every so often they try to sneak back in the door.

  1. Woman! You made me cry. Nobody does that. But it’s in a good way, so I, erm, forgive you. 🙂 This is such an incredibly powerful post and something I need to hear at least every other day (hour?), and that you would deign to attach my name to it is the most humbling and yet glorious (dare I say, *shiny*?!) gift I can imagine. I thank you.

    A beautiful and rather majestic photo of the courthouse. We have our old county-seat courthouse in town and now I think I shall have to try to take its portrait after dark, too! One of the finer RWS poems I’ve read, to date. Never seen that one before! And so fitting for your theme today. I will revisit this one many a time. It moves me and makes me think.

    Thank you, dearest!
    xoxo,
    Kathryn

    • This wasn’t supposed to bring tears, though I shed more than a few while writing it. I really struggle with my self worth, wondering why I am not good enough for everyone to love, or even LIKE me, even though I know full well that since I do not like everyone, I certainly shouldn’t expect them all to like me either. Self doubt is a terrible monster and one that I am working so hard to banish.

  2. I just have to look at your photographs and read your posts to know that you are a wonderful person.
    Someone who sees so much beauty around her cannot be anything but beautiful herself. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!
    As for the people who say or convey that they don’t like you or don’t want to be your friend, it is THEIR loss entirely. And they are not worth it.

    Gosh, I went through so much yucky stuff during and after my teens. I did not have a single friend to my name. 😛 The worst part was not knowing what I was doing wrong, if anything at all. BUT I had my books and the day I realised that I didn’t have to make them like me was the best day of my life. I stopped struggling and just let go. And what I took away from the experience was empathy.

    Of course doubt is always there, standing alert at the threshold, ready to sneak in given half the chance, but, that is where it belongs. Outside. And in the cold.

    I believe that if you are a good person (I don’t mean infallible for we are all ‘human’ after all), a genuine person, then you shouldn’t have to make someone like you. It is for them to accept you for who you are. No one is better than the other. We are all unique. And that is as it should be.

    And I thank you from the bottom of my heart for re-enforcing these thoughts today. We all need a refresher in them from time to time. So, thank you once again! ❤ 🙂

    • Self forgiveness seemed to be a topic I kept running into over and over right before I posted this – I think God was trying to tell me something! I needed this reminder as well!

  3. Pingback: Mirrors and Mosaics | kiwsparks

  4. I love this post! I was sent your way from kiwisparks. I know all this stuff. I know logically that action I’ve taken, every choice that I’ve made, has led me to be the person that I am today. I also know that there really is no such thing as imperfect- that we are all perfect in the sight of God.

    So why is it that even though I KNOW all this, I still have those walls, those hurts, like the ones you mentioned? I don’t know. But it is my intention to keep plugging on as best as I can and hope to one day be free of these chains that are all of my own making.

    • You have all of those walls and hurts because you are human and imperfect as such. I don’t think anyone is without them, I just think that some people hide them a whole lot better than the rest of us.
      Thank you so much for coming over to visit my page!

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