Day 204 – What a Word Can Do…


What a Word Can Do...

Day 204

A word of warning that I should have posted at the very beginning of this month:

December is hard for me.

I start mourning my father anew when December comes.

I worry about how we are going to pay the bills when December comes.

I worry how I can possibly put a Christmas together for my children when December comes.

I feel the weight of the world when December comes.

I look forward to when December leaves.

December is hard for me.

And with the difficulties December brings, I am over-sensitive, apt to moodiness and tears are always lurking.  Today at church, was no exception.  Our pastor has been discussing peace this holiday season and what holds us back from peace, what can give us peace and who we are letting destroy our peace.  Nice guilt inducing lectures if you are the one who has no peace in December.  I had to swallow some pride today and ASK (in tears) for free tickets to our Christmas production – yes, my church is actually charging people to attend the Christmas program – because I am having a hard time finding 2 nickles to rub together after paying the bills.  I also took umbrage at my pastor’s lecture designed to shame and belittle the person who used a PRAISE REPORT CARD and questioned the price tag on Christmas program and further,  had the pure GALL not to sign his/her name – then he went on to talk about forgiveness.  This little lecture occurred at three packed services and I know that someone was probably shamed for not daring to sign a name because of this very thing happening.

Ho. Ho. Ho.  January’s coming!

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8 thoughts on “Day 204 – What a Word Can Do…

  1. Oh, my. When Pastors Attack! Sometimes it astonishes me how incredibly *un*-pastoral they can be, but I know we’re still talking about fallible humans with all of the frailty of our kind.

    It is *not* surprising, or anybody’s *fault*, if the struggles faced throughout the year are magnified during the time of big public and general celebrations (holidays of any variety, any religion or secular), when lack of resources–monetary, emotional/communal, time–become more acute and visible. To be around people insensitive to or unaware of that only makes the pain that much tougher to survive. To have suffered memorable losses like that of your father at that same time magnifies the struggles that much more. I am so sorry for your grief and difficulties, I can’t begin to say what’s in my heart.

    My hope is that you will find comfort in unexpected places; that your friends and loved ones will help you find joys that offer enough respite from your pain to begin bringing your life back into balance; most of all, that there *will* be peace in the season beyond expectation and that the year ahead will be filled to overflowing with all that can bring healing and hope and newness.

    xo,
    Kathryn

  2. ^I think Kathryn said it better than I could…its funny the emotions and thoughts December brings….here’s to January!!! I hate saying ‘feel better’ because I don’t really know what you are going through…but nonetheless I do hope you feel better before January 😉

    • These ornaments are hanging in the large windows in the atrium at my church. Today during our pre-production potluck, I watched a young boy bashing them against the window before one of our pastors quickly caught up with him – it is a good thing that they are made of shiny plastic!

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